Padders Learns Polari
by TangerineFields
Summary: Sirius discovers a new language. Remus is not best impressed. Sirius/Remus


**Unfortunately, for those of you not burdened with an english language alevel, or a working knowledge of polari, this story may require a dip into the wonderful world of wikipedia: /wiki/Polari#Polari_glossary**

Polari was a secret language used mainly by homosexual males in Britain in the mid 20th Century. I reckon James and Sirius would probably have jumped at any code up for nicking, and especially one that would suitably shock anyone who stumbled across what it meant :)

How Sirius stumbled on Polari, I will leave up to your own devious imaginations.

Disclaimer: No matter how many chocolate biscuits offer her, J. K. Rowling is still adamant about owning Sirius, Remus and James. And I think Jimmy Wales is pretty fond of Wikipedia as well.

**Padders learns Polari**

To say that James was rudely awoken that morning was probably an understatement. With a slamming of doors and a stampede that would have impressed a herd of elephants, Sirius tore into the boy's dormitory.

"Prongs! Prongs tune your aunt nells to this, my old cove! Get your dish out of the doss, I've got something fab-u-losa for you, my blue eyed boy!" Sirius, who had been bounding around the room, flinging his arms around and generally making a mess and a noise, had finally landed with a bump and a flourish at the foot of James' bed.

"Padders, what the –" James yawned and stared blearily at Sirius, bouncing happily on the blankets.

"I, my filly chicken, am here to initiate you into the wonderful cottage that is Polari," he stopped bouncing to grin wickedly. "Wanna learn? It'll be bonaroo for freaking Moony out."

A morning lost on Wikipedia later and James and Sirius burst onto the unsuspecting occupants of Gryffindor's common room.

"Prongs, dorcus, vada that dolly blue all on his todd," Sirius, wearing a shocking pink feather boa, flounced into the middle of the room and stopped the day in its tracks.

"Padfoot darling," James drawled, tugging at their interlaced arms. "Feast your yews on those lallies, wouldn't mind mincing with those dally things to my cottage."

Remus Lupin, on whom all of the eyes in the common room had simultaneously turned, laid down his book and looking only slightly pink around the cheeks sighed, "Good morning."

"Bona to vada you too, Moony," Sirius grinned and pranced over, draping an arm coquettishly around Remus' shoulders as he snuggled into his armchair.

"Aren't I lucky to have my bona omi, Jamesy," Sirius fluttered his eyelashes at a startled Remus. "With that bijou eek," Sirius' fingers traced the curve of his friend's cheek and the boy felt a flush flare up. "And that basket…" Sirius' hand very rapidly descended and with a slightly strangled noise, Remus leapt to his feet.

"Vada at that dish, Pads." James giggled girlishly and began to circle a rather uncomfortable Remus.

Sirius had slipped down into the armchair and was pouting. "Don't you think he's 'so', Prongs?" He groaned and threw himself across the arm of the chair. "Oh what I wouldn't give to parker some rough with that dolly blue." He gazed longingly at Remus, who stared, terrified back.

For a long while, their eyes stayed locked, and something began to stir in Remus that he had struggled to sedate for years. The collective feet of the common room started to shuffle.

"Padders?" James muttered, their act swirling away down the plughole.

Sirius broke eye contact coolly and grinned brashly around the room. "Well my little darlings," he cried, "I'm afraid the show is rather over and work is now all that remains to you." He pressed a hand to his forehead. "And as for Remus and I," he stood up and winked at his crimson friend. "It's time we scarpered to find a little cottage of our own."

James wolf whistled and Remus coloured further, if that was possible. Sirius jumped to his feet and flicking his neon feather boa over his shoulder extended a hand to Remus. "Come on Remy," he smirked. "You'll disappoint our audience."

Remus gave him a desperate look, and under the expectant gaze of his house, took Sirius' hand. "Gods above, I hate you Sirius," he muttered under his breath as to whistles and a plethora of curious gazes, Sirius chivvied him out of the common room.

"Remy?" Sirius asked, as they wandered, Remus walking, Sirius breaking into the occasional skip, through the halls. "Do you have any idea what that was about?"

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. "Of course not, Sirius." He stopped in what he hoped was a deserted part of the school and folded his arms. "And I'm not overly worried about finding out."

"Oh," Sirius suddenly looked rather dejected. Gone were the seductive glances and the more than occasional flicking of his long hair and in their place was the ever catastrophic Remus-you-just-kicked-a-puppy face. Catastrophic because of course, for Remus, resistance was futile.

Remus looked hard at him, "Sirius, has it ever occurred to you that being embarrassed in front of the whole common room is not something I particularly enjoy?"

Sirius shuffled his feet, "I didn't flounce out with you to apologise," he muttered.

Remus groaned, and ran a hand through his hair. "I wonder that you'd thought about what we were going to do afterwards at all. That's not really your style, is it Sirius?"

And then his back was pressed against the wall and Sirius' lips were pressed against his and the world had jumped very definitely into tune with Remus' thundering heart. He froze, like a deer caught in some very bright headlights, and Sirius hesitated.

"Was that…" He pulled away, his eyes burning. "Sorry." And in a very rare instance, Sirius Black blushed. "That was what I'd thought about doing afterwards."

Remus stared, his lips still tingling. Then he remembered to breathe. And then he smiled. "Yes," he murmured, "I suppose that was what I was thinking as well."

"So," Sirius grinned, as he closed the gap between them again. "I guess this means cottaging isn't off after all?"

Remus cuffed him. "You are disgusting, Sirius Black."

"Ah, but you love it." And as Sirius' lips met his once more, Remus couldn't help thinking that he did.


End file.
